Freedom From The Mundane - A Writer's Blog

Thursday, August 12, 2004

I'm Only Human

I arranged a meeting with my boss this afternoon to discuss the state of affairs in my office. Low workloads, low morale and low enthusiasm is now ripe since the recent cull of 250 colleagues and friends from my department. The focus seems to have shifted from the slashing of careers to the advancement of damage-reducing press releases. And so I am left in a void. No work - and no will to work. And yet despite this, they still think I am doing a great job. He told me all the reasons why I was not one of the one's picked for redundancy, and explained that everything will work out in the future. Apparently I am performing at the top level of my grade despite only being promote to it a year ago. I think he may also have had a "How To Speak Like A Manager" book hidden under the table. It still bemuses me how I continue to get comments like these in the face of little or no effort on my part. Maybe it will get better, but it is getting harder by the day to drag myself into this place and look even the least bit interested. I wonder sometimes, if it is actually the Company that is making me like this, or perhaps it is my own desire to write more and more overtaking any other ambitions I may have.

I my subbing spreadhseet this afternoon to include yesterdays submissions to Pudding House. After the urgent e-mail I receieved from them yesterday I am hoping it won;t take too long to get an answer. This would be a great thing to happen if it did, but my hopes are not getting raised too much. I also decided to help my inbox out by subscribing to three stories at Keep It Coming: Tapestry, The Widows Chamber and Blood on an Appalachian Sunset, all written by fellow writing buddies of mine. I am very much looking forward to reading them.

I would love to do something for KIC myself sometime. The idea of a continual fictional plot seems very attractive, although I am unsure if I have the time or skill to committ to such a project. I shall maybe wait until I have a few more publications to my credit before forwarding my idea to them, which is still brewing in my head at the moment. I think I may be getting too eager too early. I wrote a short story a while back for a competition in a national writing magazine, and it occurred to me back then I could do a lot more with it. Based in Edinburgh and around Scotland it would be a thriller that I would want to read myself. That pretty much sums up how I decide if I go ahead with a story or not - would I read it myself?

Elsewhere, I have had an idea for a series of short stories. I was working on my novel (during work!) and decided I really didn't need two flashback scenes. They were fine to begin with, but now the novel has matured on paper they are surplus to the story and so I cut them out. Looking at them, they could both be used as stories in their own right, and even interlinked. They will fit in well with another idea I had years ago which I have never been able to work out how to get it down despite many attempts. This may just solve the problem.

My wee girl hasn't been sleeping at all well lately - complaints of being scared of the dark and nightmares have been preventing me from getting a proper nights sleep. So I braved the rain (yes - it's pouring again) and trawled Edinburgh for somewhere that sells a lava lamp - not too bright and not too dark, and it looks pretty. I found one eventually, but by that time I was soaked and starving.

The detox diet fell on it's arse tonight. I couldn't take any more raw vegetables, fruit and water after three days of it. The headaches, the craving for a cup of coffee, the overwhelming desire for just one finger of a Kit-Kat, the stomach cramps. So I grilled a steak and a baked potato when I got in.

Heck, I'm only human!
Colin 9:46 am


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