Sunday, September 03, 2006
Quiet and Lonely
There was no way I could oblige, so I got her Coco-Pops sorted and went back to bed leaving her to watch Spongebob Squarepants on her own for a coulpe of hours. She was quite happy and came up to lie with me for a bit later on.
Her Gran picked up her up at lunchtime, which gave me the entire day to myself. This does not sound quite as good as you might expect, for being in the house alone all day, meant the absence of Gail was accentuated more - and I began to miss her.
To take my mind off of my loneliness, I went round to the local supermarket and bought some milk, Irn-Bru and a newspaper. For the first time in about seven years, I also bought myself some ready meals-for-one to cover myself over the next two days; Beef cannelloni and pasta bake. Ah the memories!
Pretty soon the novelty of having an empty house to myself, had totally worn off. Yes, it was quiet and yes, it gave me time to sit and write, but something was missing. I suddenly realised that all the joking around me and Gail do, saying things like "being single was much more peaceful," and "thank God our life insurance is up to date," is pretty much a load of bolshi nonsense.
The truth is, I couldn't live without her and here was the proof. She's only been gone one day and as much as I like to think I could, should the worst ever happen, I have no idea how I much her absence would impact my life. And this all hit me today, with no way of contacting her and nothing to do except write, I saw a glimpse of what my life would be like had I never met her. No woman, no kids and not a lot else. Just me and the animals.
I fought through the boredom by eating and writing. I eat more than I should have; mostly nibbles of bread, soup, the cannelloni-for-one for dinner, biscuits and a 2 litre bottle of Irn-Bru. Procrastination was a serious possibility but I beat it by saying to myself, "good writers just get on with it." Whether that's true I'm not 100% sure, but it was enough to get me moving.
I worked on Amanda and Joe mostly, with some diversions made to the blog and to the website. I've tidied it up a lot and made it a 3rd person site. It's not live yet, but will be tomorrow. By late on, although I had made progress with the story, I knew I was struggling to concentrate from the lack of sleep of last night. I went to bed but was too tired to sleep, so I ended up watching Rob Roy until after midnight.
The bed just isn't the same without Gail in it. It's going to be a long week.